The Art of Letting Go
What makes letting go of things that that are not good for us so difficult? Why do we hang on to what no longer serves us? The negative thoughts that bring us down, the unjust experiences that we can’t change or undo, the shame we feel for not getting past our traumas, each of these seem to maintain holds on us for many reasons. Last week, a good friend introduced me to a letting go ceremony through an organization called ShatterStress. I encourage you to check out this small, woman owned business in the Denver area. For our group, we participated in a letting go ceremony that ended with us smashing plates. The process began with each of us sharing tidbits about what we are holding onto. After a guided meditation, we were asked to identify the underlying emotions we were experiencing. We spent time quietly reflecting on our experiences and eventually writing them down, along with any emotions coming up for us, onto the plates we would be smashing.
I need to do some additional reflecting of my own on why I was so eager to smash and destroy the plates, it really was cathartic!
What I realized through this experience was that I was still hanging on to quite a bit of anger and even rage related to some of the circumstances I’ve encountered in the last few years.
Women are not taught how to navigate the emotions of anger and I certainly never felt permitted to be enraged about anything! We put it aside, we bury it, we hang on, and it seeps through our pores and out into the universe in subtle ways we often don’t see. For some reason, crying and “overreacting” are expected of women but anger and rage, not so much. As I went through the process of reflecting on the emotions that were coming up for me, I realized my feelings of anger, rage, and injustice were rooted in my personal belief and attachment that the outcomes of my particular situation (or any situation), should have been different than they were. Hanging on to these emotions, holding them in, only perpetuated feelings of self-doubt, low self-worth, a lack of confidence, and so many other negative thoughts that were impacting me in a harmful way.
I recently hired a career coach, and when I shared my story with her, she accurately advised me ‘to let that go… that experience happened, you can’t change it and hanging on to it is going to keep impacting your ability to move forward in your business and future career’. Great advice, I love when people tell you to let things go, the only problem is…how??? This is where the breaking of the plates comes into play! After identifying my feelings of rage and anger, writing them down on a plate and sharing them with the lovely ladies who attended the ceremony alongside me, I got to throw the plates, smashing them against the wall one by one, watching them shatter. I won’t lie, doing something that was a somatic experience (that also felt a little wrong and violent), felt REALLY, REALLY, good!
I felt lighter, I felt the burden and anger lift, I felt ready to move forward.
Sharing that experience with some girlfriends and having their support, encouraging each other to let go of things we’ve been hanging on to, was magnificent.
What I found even more miraculous, was the next morning a job posted on Linkedin that I could have only dreamt about. It solidified for me what I want to do next career wise, while also steadily building my business. Normally, I would not waste my time applying for a job where I did not meet 100% of the requirements, but the job description was very encouraging for applicants with a diverse range of experiences to apply. I submitted my materials yesterday, with confidence and filled with hope that I will have an opportunity to participate in the interview process. After being on cloud nine post submission, feeling confident and hopeful, in a matter of hours I was notified that I did not get selected for a very similar position I had recently interviewed for. Well, that certainly affected my mood for the rest of the day, rejection is HARD!
His Holiness the Dali Lama says, “sometimes not getting what you want is a wonderful stroke of luck”! Well, I must be the luckiest person in the world lately (LOL) because sometimes it feels as if nothing is going my way. It takes awareness and effort to reframe a lifetime of negative thinking patterns. I’m choosing to view these “rejections” as the universe clearing the path for me to be open to receiving the right opportunity. I suppose this is another life lesson in letting go, letting go of the anger and resentment over things that have happened in the past and letting go of the constant fear of rejection as I branch out and explore new things.
What are some feelings you are struggling to let go of? Where are they coming from, and is there a feeling underneath the surface that’s the root cause? What would it be like for you to let go of that feeling? What might open up for you if you are able to let it go? Take 10 minutes to meditate on letting go, and spend time journaling about your experience. If you’re feeling brave, take a moment to share your story on our Facebook page!
