Why Me? Why This? WHy Now?

Last week I shared my personal story with you, I exposed my struggles with anxiety and depression and the quest for perfectionism. I always wear my heart on my sleeve, yet vulnerability and opening myself up for judgement and criticism is anxiety provoking! I will be brave, and trust you dear reader, that my message and personal story is relatable and connecting to you in some way. I aim to create a space where individuals with mental health challenges can speak their truths and share their experiences. We are a community after all.

I’ve often asked myself, “why me”? Especially lately. When I talk with friends about my struggles with hormonal changes and mental health, so many close friends in my age range and older disclose that they sailed through the menopausal transition. They’ve never experienced night sweats or hot flashes, they don’t know what it’s like to feel anxious all the time or as if you’re carrying the weight of the world on your shoulders. As someone who has experienced all of these things, I wonder….why me?

After much meditation and reflection, my response is this; I had to go through these things to be open to exploring my full potential. Rather than seeing my mental health challenges as a burden to suffer through, I am choosing to embrace them as my special gifts. I am choosing to share my gifts with others who also struggle, so they do not feel alone. Had I not been through these trials and tribulations I would not be in a place of awakening my full potential.

I have a vision, to create a center for mental wellbeing that supports individuals who also struggle with anxiety, depression, and trauma. To create a safe space where individuals learn to EMBRACE those challenges and develop a sense of community that offers support. A space for education and learning about mental wellness and how to navigate life’s ups and downs as well as hormonal changes. A place focused on the mind – body connection through yoga, aromatherapy, clinical therapy, and education.

As I began to develop my vision, I wondered can I make a living doing this, whatever “this” is?  Do I dare to dream big enough? Can I be fearless? Will people be interested? Can I financially sustain myself? The constant “what ifs” fill my head. So why this? Why create a center that focuses on mental wellbeing? With a yoga studio on every corner and community mental health centers and private therapists in every community, what will make Embrace Therapeutics different?

I am still working on the answer to those questions, but here is what I know so far…as I navigated my struggles with perimenopause and the mental health challenges that were exacerbated through those changes I had my OBGYN, my primary functional medicine physician, my individual therapist, my yoga practice on-line and in the studio, bottles of essential oils around my house, and access to the internet for whatever questions I wanted to ask. But not everything I needed was all together in one place! How lovely would it be to come to a therapy appointment, follow that with a guided meditation or yoga class, infused with the ancient powers of mood boosting essential oil aromatherapy, socialize with a community of individuals over coffee and tea, and embark on an educational journey to self-healing? That’s what Embrace Therapeutics aims to provide! Research shows that all of these methods of healing contribute to mental wellness and when practiced regularly, can decrease symptoms of depression and anxiety!

So, why now? I have been struggling with my career for a while. It’s been a struggle because I never rested or took a break. It was one degree of achievement after another and when all the degrees were received it was the quest for promotion and new responsibilities. And with every new responsibility, there was the goal to be perfect at it! I’ve always chosen jobs that allowed me to bring my greatest gift, the gift of empathy, to the table. Working with survivors of sexual assault and domestic violence, helping families with abused children, helping children with Autism, serving Title One elementary schools in diverse and impoverished communities. Not realizing the toll this was taking on me physically, mentally, and emotionally I didn’t even recognize that my tank was running on empty. Naturally, that’s when I decided to get a PhD and enter the world of higher education as the end all, be all of my career. Did I choose the fun, student life, clubs, professor route? Nope, I chose the threat assessment, mental health, case management, Dean of Students – discipline route! Did that refill my cup? Hell no! Was I good at it, hell yea I was.

I loved the energy of higher education, I loved seeing young adults learn, grow, make mistakes, and recover from them. I loved, loved, loved supporting students and their families in the most difficult and challenging of times. After 10 years, and some terrible leadership, I came to realize that all I was doing was fighting for resources and trying to explain the need for significant attention to be paid to the mental wellness of students. It was exhausting. The environment became toxic, leadership continued to change, and it became an unbearable place to work. After more than 10 years in higher education, I accepted a retail manager position just to get out. Managing a women’s clothing store was so FUN! I loved the ladies I worked with, I loved my new boss, I loved the clothes as it was a brand I had been loyal to for more than 20 years. Once I was settled into my career shift, I would have time to focus on me. Or that’s what I thought! After one month, yes you read that right ONE month, I received notice the store was closing and I was being laid off!!! Yup, there was a plethora of curse words going through my head, followed by the OMG what the f__k am I supposed to do now?????

I’ve often wondered what retirement would feel like, in my mind it was waking up when I wanted to, spending the day doing whatever I want and traveling, lots and lots of traveling! So, rather than freak out about not having a job for the time being, I decided to use this time wisely, to finally lean into my full potential and to live my dreams and not be bound to what others think is and should be important. As someone with pervasive anxiety, the lesson through all of this was to EMBRACE CHANGE! It is happening whether we like it or not, change is inevitable. The Buddha said, “change is never painful. Only resistance to change is painful”.

This is the answer to my “why now” because if not now then when? I have been given a gift, the essence of time. Time to create, time to explore, time to meditate and strengthen my yoga practice, time with friends and family, and time to build something meaningful for myself and others. It’s my time to EMBRACE!

Stay tuned for next week’s blog post, and new posts every Friday! Sign up for the monthly newsletter starting June 2023!