Over the past 20 years I have dipped my toes in and out of exploring Buddhism. I attended my first meditation and walking meditation in my early 20’s and tried not to giggle too much because it was so different than what I was accustomed to as a former Catholic. In my 40’s I’ve been more committed to having a meditation practice and recognizing that my personal values closely align with Buddhist teachings. This past month I decided to take a deeper dive and attend a foundations class to learn more. In class last night, I was paired with another newbie exploring his own spiritual beliefs (also a former Catholic, apparently there are a lot of us making the switch). He was also going through a major life transition or awakening as I like to call it!

In our conversation he asked me, “do you believe in destiny”?

Without hesitation, I replied “yes! I don’t believe things happen by accident and I believe in the energy of the universe”. Before we had a chance to discuss any further our time ended. On my way home I allowed his question about destiny to brew.

With destiny in mind, I began to reflect on things that have happened this past year. I know destiny played a role in the events that led me to give up my career in higher education so I could live what’s in my heart and find greater purpose. I am also confident that destiny had a hand in me finding my home after a year of searching for the right place, in an insane real estate market. This question about destiny also got me thinking about the people who have come into my life and what lessons I am learning from those relationships. As I pondered all of this on my drive home, my neighbor came to mind. I have a “hot” neighbor as my friends like to call him, and by all accounts he is a very handsome man. In addition to his attractive appearance, he is an amazing human. I don’t think I’ve ever met a man who is as kind and as generous as my neighbor. He is self-aware, in tune with his emotions, a solid plus one when you need him, and an all-around great friend. For a while, I thought the universe was toying with me by putting a single, attractive, nice guy right next door-HA!

The reason my neighbor came to mind as I reflected on destiny is because I don’t believe we met on accident. I believe there is a bigger purpose to our friendship, although it has taken me some time to understand what the purpose may be. My track record with adult romantic relationships is 0 for 3. I tend to date men who love to date, but don’t want to commit beyond that. I give, and give, and give of myself in relationships because I am kind and generous, and I am also anxiously seeking constant reassurance that someone is not going to leave me. Thankfully my last partner (and a few years of therapy), has helped me move past this unhealthy way of existing in relationships and I recognize that I deserve much more than what I have been settling for.

I cannot remember a time in my life where I have ever said I wanted kids or that my heart’s desire was to be a mom, that is not my destiny. Over the last 20 plus years, I’ve heard “oh, you’ll outgrow that”, “you’ll change your mind”, “you’ll meet the right man and want to give him a child” (don’t get me started on that one), or “why don’t you have kids, you’d be a great mom”. For many years I allowed others to make me feel less than as a woman because I didn’t want or desire children. For the record, I have no regrets at all about not having kids, I’m a great aunt and I love being an aunt! Because I didn’t want kids of my own, I chose to date men who didn’t want or didn’t have children. In fact, I refused to even consider dating a man with kids, until meeting my neighbor.

Now, you may be asking how does talking about my neighbor, kids, and destiny relate? Well, over the last few days I’ve come to have a better understanding regarding the universes’ decision to bring my neighbor into my life. He is a single dad with an adorable daughter, and I would have immediately written off dating someone like him because of his dad status. What I am learning through our friendship is that attractive people can have depth, that men can also have strong spiritual beliefs that ground them and inform how they treat others, good men can be kind, selfless, and generous. I realized, maybe I could be open to dating a man with children without having to be a “mom” myself if the man had all these other incredible qualities.

Back to destiny and bringing this full circle, I realized this week that I was destined to have my neighbor in my life so that he could teach me and set an example for the kind of man I should be dating. I have learned the following: I don’t have to stay in a relationship when my needs aren’t being met, romantic relationships can have a spiritual connection with shared belief systems, men with children will always be full time dads, but they may not always have their children full time. My neighbor talks about his spiritual teacher, Jonah with admiration. What he may not realize is that he too is a teacher, and he is teaching me a valuable life lesson that I believe will open me up to experiencing much healthier dating relationships moving forward so when I do meet the man that is ready to commit to me 100%, I will be ready for him as well!

Do you believe in destiny?

soft spots

Know when to hold em’ Know when to fold em’