One is the Loneliest Number
Years ago, when I accepted my first leadership position, a former supervisor congratulated me and imparted this fun fact about leadership, she said “it’s lonely at the top”. I never quite felt that way though, I had the most amazing team of individuals that I worked with, and I had great peers who surrounded me with love and friendship. Lately however, I’ve been struggling. Many of those friends and peers have dropped off the radar, as is expected when one leaves a job, not everyone is meant to stay in our lives forever. I felt the same way when I worked on my PhD, no one other than my peers in the program really knew or understood what that process was like, how isolating it was especially when it came to the dissertation process. I was on my own, of course with the support of my faculty, but otherwise it was really a solo project, it was emotionally consuming, and so many times I wanted to give up. I am finding myself in a similar situation now, in starting this business. It is lonely, isolating, and I have moments when I ask myself, “what the f..k are you doing Kristin?”
It has been a tough week of financial rejections, one after the other. I did expect this to a degree, I know banks don’t want to give business loans to businesses that aren’t making money and I certainly don’t have the income to pay my own bills and $6000 in rent for a business without the support of a loan, it’s quite the Catch 22. It has been hard lately, to trust that everything is going to work out and this week I really wondered to myself, “is now the right time to do this?” Should I walk away and not put myself into further financial danger?” To really drive the dagger in my heart, during the loan application process the marriage question came up every time, “are you married? Is there a second income in the home”? Ugh, just keep sucker punching me in the gut, and thanks for the reminder that not only am I alone in this business venture, but I’m also lacking the support of a loving partner, jeeesh, thanks for that!
There was no blog last week, as I’ve started a second retail job and extra time in my day is becoming scarce, retail has been a happy place although it is not a happy salary. I also graduated from my Level 1 aromatherapy program, yay! There has been good news, and many things to be grateful for and excited about in this new chapter of life. I continue to try and trust that I am on the right path, that I am doing the right thing and that it will rain money from the sky any day now (ha)! I’ve never, ever been a risk taker, I’ve never put it all on the line for any one thing, I’ve always played it safe. This is a brand-new adventure, I am so incredibly out of my comfort zone I am losing sleep (and drinking wine), trying to figure it all out.
According to the American Psychiatric Association, loneliness has a significant effect on our mental and physical wellbeing. They define loneliness as “the subjective experience of feeling alone and dissatisfied with one’s social relationships and it is common across all ages.” The article further states that individuals with preexisting mental health issues, who also live alone even by choice, and those who are experiencing life transitions are more likely to be lonely (American Psychiatric Association, 2023).
It’s tough out there when you’re on your own, it really is. Rather than dwell on this though, I choose gratitude. I am grateful for the friends in my life, even if we’re apart. I am grateful to those helping me through this small business venture and giving their time, even if it comes in the form of rejection, it’s all part of learning and growing.
Journal about a time you felt lonely, isolated, or at the end of your rope. What got you through? Feeling brave, share your story on our Facebook page and join the conversation!
Embrace Therapeutics is all about creating a community and sharing holistic practices to improve mental health. Beginning November 8th, you can sign up for an aromatherapy coaching to learn more about the impact of essential oils on mental wellbeing and work with me to create a blend unique to you and your specific needs!
