Another One Bites the Dust (Queen)

I recently had my heart set on, what I thought was the perfect business location. After a few months of looking, I had found my space. The original price quote was in my budget, the square footage was perfect, the landlords liked my idea, and it was a second-floor view with the whole exterior wall full of windows. When I walked in, my soul lifted and I felt peace and warmth from the natural light and the afternoon sun. I was confident it would be the most beautiful healing space for yoga and women in the Denver area. I was over the moon. Through the process, everything was moving forward in a positive way, and I was incredibly hopeful that things were starting to come together. I had submitted my design plans for the space and last week we were waiting for the contractor’s response. When I received the letter of intent counter offer from the landlord, the rent suddenly went well over the original anticipated price along with the request for a co-signer. And thus, another one bites the dust and I’m back to square one trying to find the right location for the business.

As someone who has lived with anxiety, I often spent most of my time worrying about what would go wrong so that I could appropriately, mentally prepare how to respond to whatever it was. That was a lot of time wasted as I could not predict what would and wouldn’t happen. As I’ve moved more towards acceptance and understanding that life is unpredictable, I recognize that it is ok to get your hopes up. On the flip side of hope however, is disappointment. Disappointment is a normal emotion, it sucks, but it’s normal. I am reminded of one of my favorite quotes by His Holiness, the Dali Lama. He states, “remember that sometimes not getting what you want is a wonderful stroke of luck”! Perhaps this deal didn’t go through because it wasn’t the right location, or the location wouldn’t have attracted the kind of clients I’m looking for, or that it’s not my time yet to sign a lease and I need to spend more time getting financials together. Any of these reasons could apply to the situation.  

With all of this in mind, I still feel disappointed. It feels as if every step forward creates something that knocks me back on my ass for a bit. And, at this point my ass needs a bit of a cushion for the fall! I knew this wouldn’t be easy but the hurt and disappointment is real. The challenge to myself is to not dwell in this emotion. I intend to accept it without judgement, acknowledge that disappointment is normal, and wake up tomorrow focusing on the next step in finding the right location for the business.

I wish I had solid, sound advice for navigating disappointment, especially when we have high hopes or expectations or we whole heartedly believe that something needs to turn out a certain way in order for us to feel successful, or financially secure, or happy. Countless times I have found my mind repeating, ‘if xyz (fill in the blank) situation happens, I will finally be happy, I will finally feel loved, I can finally let go,’ and so on. However, that usually isn’t the case is it? It may go our way and we feel happy for a moment and suddenly we’re on to the next thing that we think will fulfill all of our needs. And the cycle perpetuates itself and we are on the emotional roller coaster of high hopes and low disappointments.

In these lows, or times of disappointment we can show ourselves self-compassion. Give ourselves grace, acknowledge that the situation sucks and it’s only a moment in time. As my nana always said, “this too shall pass”. We can spend time in contemplative meditation focusing on why we got so wrapped up in something needing to work out our way. Is there another emotion under the emotion of disappointment, such as fear or anger? Giving self-compassion and applying deeper understanding to our own thought patterns is important in our ability to move forward with acceptance and strength to carry on.

Journal or meditate on a time when you had high hopes something would go your way and it didn’t. Spend some time contemplating what the disappointment felt like. How long did you carry the disappointment? What did you do to push past the feelings of disappointment and how can you apply grace and self-compassion the next time you get your hopes up and feel the crushing weight of disappointment? Feeling brave? Join the conversation on our Facebook page!