Shit or get off the pot, que sera, sera

I lost my Nana when I was 19, however she is still with me in spirit and wisdom. I know she didn’t coin the phrase, “shit or get off the pot,” or the tune “Que sera, sera” (both are from movies in the 1950’s in case you were wondering), but for some reason I remember her using these phrases whenever I seemed to struggle with making a decision. I am at a point in starting this new business, where I need to stop hiding behind the scenes researching on the computer, gathering information, and trying to make everything perfect before presenting it to the world. I need to take that leap of faith and move to “doing”. I am an academic, a researcher by nature. I’m inquisitive, curious, intellectual, and I love to learn. As someone with anxiety, the more information I can arm myself with the better. I am also hesitant to share what’s truly in my heart out of fear of being judged.

I’ve come to a crossroads; I can choose the comfortable familiar path, the one where I go back to work full-time somewhere, the one with a steady paycheck and benefits (let’s face it, I’m getting older and steady income, retirement, and healthcare are essential). Or I can choose the road less traveled, the one that leads me somewhere new. The road that requires me to have ultimate faith in the universe and my own abilities. The road that takes me to new heights, where perhaps I can really live in my values and with purpose, reach my full potential, and achieve things I didn’t know were possible.

I have been behind the computer and on the phone for up to 10 hours a day over the past week and a half. Researching how to start a small business, calculating startup costs, shopping for software, inventory, and space for lease. It’s been work, it’s consumed my time and it’s given me insight into how hard this venture is going to be. How can I go back to work full time, commute, and also find time to move this business forward? How the heck do you learn financial software, website software, and scheduling software all at the same time? How can I afford to move the business forward without an income to pay both living expenses and the payments on business loans? I am scared to make the wrong decision. Yet, I am finding the strength to trust that whatever I do I will be OK.

I am not comfortable with the unknown, yet the unknown is calling me. I could go down the anxious path and assume everything will go wrong. I can give into my repetitive negative thought pattern, wondering what if I don’t have enough money, what if I suck at this, what if no one buys anything from me…what if…what if…what if? As I spend time in meditation, being in the moment, finding emotional regulation, I’ve asked myself, what if choose to think the opposite? What if I am a success, what if people in the community need this gift and can’t wait to join me on this adventure, what if it all does work out, what if I can have everything I want and deserve? Woah, that feels overwhelming, but I love it!

I have lived with anxiety my whole life, fear and pessimism have been my norm, my comfort zone. However, with yoga, meditation, medication, and therapy I feel less anxious and more emboldened to live fearlessly. My brain is on fire with ideas. I am feeling more creative than I’ve ever felt in my life. I am feeling more committed to supporting other women than ever before. I am trusting, confident, and convinced it will be fine, I will be fine. Road less traveled, here I come!!!

Think of a time you took the road less traveled, where did it lead you? What convinced you to explore outside of your norm? What lessons did you learn about your own strength? Take a moment to journal about this and revisit it the next time you have a decision to make.