There’s No Place Like Home
After almost 10 weeks on the road, I made it back to Colorado this past weekend and it feels incredible to be home. I was surprised by how easy it was to fall back into the old routine and old habits within hours of getting home. For example, I missed my couch so the dogs and I have been sitting here for hours each day, lounging, playing, working and watching TV. My plans when getting home were to hike, do a dietary detox, workout and get my business going. Ha! Who was I kidding? I had just come home from being on the road for over 2 months, it took me 2 days just to do laundry! I also should have mentioned that I arrived home the day before my birthday, no one should do a cleanse on their birthday and I’m a Leo, so I celebrate my birthday all month!
This made me think about giving ourselves grace and celebrating the small accomplishments we do make. Did I hike, do yoga, meditate, and eat healthy meals this week…I did not. Did I do laundry, unpack, unpack some more, clean out the camper, wash the camper, store the camper, visit a potential space for my business, get my retail license, and a bunch of other little things? You bet I did! So why can’t I look at what I accomplished and not give myself shit for what I didn’t do? Because when I look back at what I accomplished, none of it was in support of my health and wellbeing, and I find that disappointing.
Why is it so hard to create time and space for our wellbeing? As a woman, I often find I have been conditioned to do everything for others first, and then try to care for myself with whatever physical and emotional energy is leftover. By the time “everything else” is taken care of, I’m out of energy, I lack motivation, and then I mentally abuse myself for not engaging in the activities that will contribute to my vitality, energy, and health. Sometimes these things are heavily ingrained in our psyche and they are hard to identify, let alone change. For example, I grew up on a small farm and we had a few farm animals that my siblings and I were responsible for caring for. I remember my parents saying every morning before breakfast, “animals eat before you do”. While we went out to tend to the animals, my mom prepared breakfast for us. I still carry that behavior with me today. My pups get everything they need as soon as we get up, before I do anything for myself (I’ll bet it’s like that for the parents out there too). By the time I sit down for a cup of coffee, I start checking emails and the next thing you know it’s noon and I didn’t meditate, exercise or prepare any meals that have nutritional value and no one was here to make me breakfast!
I am determined to break this cycle, especially after having 2 wonderful months of not having a routine at all! I want to do this for my health. As a woman, now in the late stages of perimenopause, every decision I make not to address my health increases the uncomfortable symptoms of this phase of life. Hormones are affected by every decision we make. Eating sugar, processed foods, high carbs, alcohol and caffeine affect my gut health, which affects my brain health, also affecting my energy, sleep habits and so much more. Will it suck to make changes and reduce my consumption of delicious treats, wine, beer and bread? It sure will! However, if I continue down this road of not addressing my health I will be miserable, inflamed, lethargic, and unhappy.
As someone with anxiety, changing routines and things I find comforting is frightening. I also often think that it is a form of self-sabotage, a way to prevent myself from feeling successful. And if I’m not feeling successful, I tell myself one more ice cream cookie sandwich really won’t hurt.
Now that I’m home, birthday week is coming to an end, I’m unpacked and feeling more organized, I intend to make my health my number one priority. If I am encouraging other women to engage in activities that support their wellness journey, I’d better be damned sure I am living that life. I am also human, and it is hard. Be graceful with yourself, be graceful with others, find gratitude in what grounds you, celebrate the small successes, take change one step at a time, and surround yourself with the support you need to achieve whatever goal you have set for yourself.
Take a moment and journal about a time you had to give up something that you enjoyed, but knew it was not helping you. What strengths did you draw upon? Who was your support network? How did you give yourself grace when you had missteps along the way?
