I’ll take the dirt road
This week I camped in Illinois, about an hour outside of Chicago, in a giant corn field. After driving on the highway for about 6 hours, Google sent me down some serious backroads, through acres and acres of corn fields, narrow roads, some one lane bridges, lots of farmland, until I reached the campground. It was a dreary, rainy day and all I kept thinking about was the old horror movie, Children of the Corn. It also got me thinking about trust and faith. Throughout my road trip, I put a lot of trust into Google Maps to get me where I was intended to go.
After leaving North Carolina a few weeks ago, I traveled to New Jersey, New York, and Maine before making my way back to Colorado, relying on navigation systems for my entire trip. From North Carolina to Virginia, Google Maps sent me on the scenic route that included several civil war markers and historic sites. The roads were country, there were twists and turns and small towns along the way. From Richmond, I went to NJ. It was a similar experience. Once Google Maps took me off the highway I was winding through backroads, passing dairy farms with the most beautiful old barns I’ve ever seen, climbing through the mountains with my hands gripping the steering wheel hoping I was heading in the right direction. With anxiety as my constant companion, each time maps took me off the heavily traveled highways onto the scenic backroads, I freaked out a little bit! My mind constantly questioning: is this safe, am I going the right way, will there be a gas station when I need one, will I get stuck, how will I call for help without cell service, if I get stuck how am I going to turn the camper around, and on…and on… and on with the worry! When I felt the worry start to turn into panic, I took a deep breath and reminded myself to enjoy this journey. This was likely the only time I would ever travel these roads in my life, I was seeing parts of America’s history and if something did go wrong then I could deal with it if it happened, rather than wasting precious once in a lifetime moments worrying.
In addition to trusting technology and maps, I was also reminded to trust myself as well. As I was preparing to leave New Jersey and head to Long Island, every route I reviewed seemed to take me through NY City. The morning I was to leave I couldn’t calm down, my armpits were sweating, my heart was racing, I refused to listen to the radio or an audio book because I was afraid I would miss something important on the directions and end up stuck somewhere in the middle of the city with a damn camper, crying because I couldn’t figure out how to turn it around (that’s just how my brain works). Eventually it was time to go, and off I went, putting my trust in google maps (as well as my friend’s husband), to get me where I needed to go. Having spent time growing up in New Jersey and making frequent trips to NYC to see my grandparents, I remember the George Washington Bridge and the Lincoln Tunnel like it was yesterday. As the highway took me closer to the city, suddenly there were signs everywhere stating, “trucks and trailers this lane only”, “trucks and trailers upper bridge only”, “no hazardous materials in the tunnel”, etc. I started freaking out!! Was my camper considered a commercial vehicle? Were the propane tanks on the trailer hazardous? Which lane takes me over the top of the bridge? What happens if I end up on the bottom of the bridge? Why is this route saying I’m heading to the tunnel? As you can imagine, I began to panic. Just when I was about to cry (at 60 MPH on the highway with the city on the horizon), the universe put a rest area in the middle of the chaos! I pulled in and spent about 15 minutes regrouping. Viewing the maps from every angle and comparing them to the directions my friend’s husband pulled up for me. I had come this far and it was now or never, I had to take a leap of faith and trust I’d get where I needed to go. I had to trust I could do this. Thankfully, I successfully made it over the GW bridge and stayed on the highways until I hit Long Island. Whew, what a relief! Or so I thought…
Apparently, New York has some traffic law that trailers, trucks, RV’s buses, and commercial vehicles cannot use parkways and causeways. Guess what? Every road on Long Island is either a parkway or a causeway! WTF? As google didn’t know that I had a trailer, it kept trying to send me on causeways and parkways. I started to freak out again, just a little bit! Using some logic, I thought there had to be a way that trucks got where they needed to go without using these forbidden routes. I decided to stay the course on the highway and follow the tractor trailers, maps rerouted several times until I made it to my friend’s house, but I did make it! I will spare you the details regarding how long it took me to figure out how to get off the island when it was time to leave, we’ll just say I pulled over, read and reread maps, and turned around A LOT!
I set out on an adventure a few months ago and in that time I made it everywhere I was supposed to be, when I was supposed to be there. There were many moments I had to put faith and trust out into the universe, that it would all work out and that everything would be fine. When I started to create a catastrophic narrative, or anticipated something going wrong, or began to worry incessantly about getting lost or getting stuck or going off the beaten path, I took a few deep breaths. I had to trust that I had the awareness to know when I was falling into my old pattern of negative thinking, and that I had the ability to bring myself out of that place. To a place of calm, appreciation, confidence, and trust.
As I share this story, I’m reminded of an older country song by Sawyer Brown called The Dirt Road. The refrain from the song is as follows:
“I'll take the dirt road, it's all I know
I've been walking it for years
It's gone where I need to go
Oh, it ain't easy, it ain't supposed to be
So I'll take my time
And life won't pass me by
'Cause it's right there to find, on the dirt road.”
I love these lyrics as they relate to the journey I’ve been on. This adventure wasn’t supposed to be easy, it was supposed to be about taking my time to appreciate the beauty around me. It’s been about friendship, life lessons, learning, growing, and resting. I am grateful to have traveled the backroads, and I am thankful to the universe for safely getting me everywhere I needed to be, all it took was a little faith and trust.
Think about a time when you had to blindly put your trust into something or someone, how did it work out? How did it feel to you to relinquish control and lean into trust? Take a few minutes and journal about this.
