The Identities Hiding in My Closet
I’ve been feeling overwhelmed by stuff lately. Stuff for the business, stuff for the dogs, stuff being shipped and boxes everywhere. Stuff, stuff, stuff! The last time I felt this way I was buying many things for my camping trip! When I find myself feeling as if the house has been taken over, I know it’s time to purge. Part of it has been my inability to find free time to really clean things out and organize, part of it has been a mini-identity crisis! When it comes to purging, the easiest place for me to start is my closet. My closet is always well organized however lately, the half of the closet that’s empty has become a dumping ground for all of my junk clothes, the items that are too grimy for donation but so comfortable I insist on keeping them to “walk the dogs”. I’m pretty sure my neighborhood thinks I only have one pair of sweatpants!
While my time off lately has been very limited and whatever hours I do have available are dedicated to either the business or sleeping, I couldn’t stand the disorganization any longer. When I committed to purging the closet, I stood there and realized I had about 4 identities hiding in the space! I have some lovely professional attire that once represented the administrative side of me, that life and livelihood that I most closely identified with over a year ago. Then there were the items I loved from my time with the Loft. A brand loyalty and love affair that lasted over 20 years and came to an abrupt end when I was laid off. I was staring at these items which represented the past 20 plus years of my personal and professional identity and wondering “what the fuck I am going to do with them?” I’ve taken some pieces to consignment but the other pieces I love and want to keep. I tell myself I’ll wear them out with friends or for drinks, but if you know me you know I never actually make it out!
Then there are the pieces that represent my rebirth identity, the casual, perimenopausal, yogi, the comfortable, free flowing wardrobe that I brought home from Greece and my east coastal travels this past summer. The soft, one size, wide legged items that makes you want to sip wine on the Aegean Sea coast (oh how I wish I could go back there right now).
Following the summer line up of flowy clothes comes my most recent identity as a short term seasonal employee at a major athletic brand apparel store. I had to buy a closet drawer system to find a home for all of the new yoga leggings, sports bras, and other items I swear I’ll wear teaching yoga. Oh, and did I mention that thanks to this lovely menopausal stage in life, the shit in my closet is like 3 different sizes? Yea, this ever-increasing yo-yo hormonal weight shifting is also causing an identity crisis!!
It was like looking at the last year of my life and wondering what the hell happened and where the hell am I going! Ok, time to regroup and reorganize. I paired down the closet and kept one professional outfit for each season, for the occasion when I need to go to the bank and beg for money for this business! I dusted off a few pieces that will be great for girls’ nights out and date nights (ok, who am I kidding, I haven’t been on a date in 2 years but that’s a story for another day). My flowing, coastal inspired outfits will have to wait until this summer, but they’ll be great for yoga and everything else.
Most people, when faced with losing a portion of their income start to conserve funds, well when you work in retail and your contract is coming to an end and so is your very impressive employee discount, suddenly you need ALL the things! Yup, mini splurge - YIKES!
As I organized, purged and assessed my clothing situation, I began wondering, what does all of this say about me? What parts and pieces do I want to keep? What parts and pieces do I want to purge? Which represent new beginnings and hope? Which represent the past? The future? So many questions came to mind!!
My takeaway from this process of purging and organizing is that we all have various pieces that make up our whole identity. Pieces of who we are and items that represent our personality, moods, and experiences. I have lived enough life to know that things will change, fashion will come and go (including wide legged pants), jobs will come and go, some items you won’t want to part with because they remind you of a special trip or a special time in your life, and you’ll keep some things hoping to fit into them again, (knowing as soon as you do you’ll wear it once and then get rid of it because you want new things in that next size down)!
Overall, the closet was a visual representation of my life over this past year. The ambitious, overachieving career women choosing the path less traveled with the same amount of tenacity. The kindhearted, happy, optimistic Buddhist Yogi with comfy, free flowing ideas and a new found love for creativity, harmony, and freedom. The traveler, hoping to take more trips, plan more visits and looking forward to the warm, long days of summer. The single woman in her 40’s hopeful for more date nights in the future and finding a potential partner.
Take a deep look into your closet, what does it say about you? What does it represent? What are you hanging on to and afraid to let go of? Take some time to journal on this topic and ponder your identity. Are you embracing who you are or thinking about who you want to be? Feeling courageous? Share your story with others on our Facebook page!
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